Spark Of Life
by Love Lost Contest
Summary: Life goes on, even when what you want can't be yours. For the Love Lost Contest.


**Title:** Spark of Life

**Characters:** Edward & Bella

**Rating:** M, for a detailed sensual scene and mild language.

**Word Count:** 5,210

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.

**Summary:** Life goes on, even when what you want can't be yours. For the Love Lost Contest.

**To see all entries in the "Love Lost" Contest, please visit the profile:** www . fanfiction .net /u/ 2458839 / Love_Lost_Contest

**.**

I heard her.

It wasn't like I was listening on purpose. I couldn't help hearing her.

I had pushed my bedroom window open to let in the sweet spring breeze. Night was falling and there were tree frogs chirping and singing to one another, offering up a decadent lullaby to the coming rain. The sounds of crying fractured the soothing lullaby.

My neighbor was crying.

Her name was Bella.

She had welcomed me to the neighborhood, when I'd moved in, with a plate of homemade cookies in hand – chocolate chip and peanut butter. Her smile was shy and mysterious, and I was drawn in by her kindness. She made me feel welcome. She was funny and I enjoyed her sense of humor. I wanted to get to know her better. And I think she wanted to get to know me better, but...

It was a tragic situation I found myself in. I had developed an intense attraction to Bella, a woman completely off limits.

She was another man's wife.

Strangely, and more than once, I became caught up in one of her heated glances from across the yard. I, like a hungry animal eyeing a morsel of food just out of reach, would watch as her long hair blew across her face in winsome, curling tendrils, her lips parted just so. Then she'd turn away from me, pink in the face, casting her eyes elsewhere, as if nothing had passed between us. I don't believe she did this to me on purpose, but she made me ache in ways that would cause a weak man to fall down and cry for mercy at her feet.

I was half in love with an unavailable woman. I dealt with this the only way I knew how: by using my best avoidance tactics. I kept myself away from her, out of sight, but she was never far from my mind.

I'd talked with her husband, Jacob Black, a few times. We'd usually mow our lawns on Saturdays, and Jacob would chat with me amicably. He seemed like a really nice guy. He was tanned, muscular, full of life, funny, good looking... And he had Bella. I hated him.

A crash from next door interrupted my thoughts; a sickeningly loud crumbling of glass as it smashed and fell against a hardwood floor. I hurried to my window to peek out across the night, trying to catch a glimpse of what might have happened. Her sobbing grew louder. There was another crash, and the light I could see from a window flickered and wavered, like a lamp was being knocked over. Her sobs were painful to hear. I didn't understand what was going on.

Should I go over there?

Should I call the police?

Should I just mind my own business?

There was a solid fact that I did know about her... and that was who her father was. Charlie Swan was the Chief of Police in this small town. I could call him and let him know that something frightening was happening at his daughter's house.

I picked up the phone and quickly scanned for the number directly to the Forks Police Department in the white pages. Chief Swan may not even be there, but maybe they'd give me his home number.

I dialed and was relieved when Chief Swan answered the phone himself.

"Forks P.D., Chief Swan speaking," came a terse voice over the line.

"Chief Swan, my name is Edward Cullen; I live next door to your daughter. I called you because there seems to be something wrong. She's crying and it sounds like the house is being destroyed. You may want to come check things out..." As I spoke, I could hear more things being smashed and loud wailing coming from the woman next door. _Where's Jacob?_ I'd yet to hear his voice amongst the ruckus.

The Chief sighed into the phone, long and careworn. "I... I know what's wrong," Charlie Swan sounded much older than he had only seconds ago. "I'll be over there shortly. Thanks for calling, Mr. Cullen."

The line went dead.

I stared at the phone before setting it back into its holster. A few ear-piercing screams made the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. The screaming was very hard for me to ignore. I slipped my shoes on and left the quiet of my own home.

I skirted around the hedge between our adjoining properties and made my way up the front stoop of the Black house. The walkway was artfully laid out with textured stepping-stones. Flowers were starting to bloom in pots and in little flowerbeds around the front of the house.

I hesitated at the door, unsure if my interference would be a good thing. My polite knocks went unanswered, or unheard, I was unsure of which.

When I heard a car pull up to the curb, I watched as Chief Swan parked his cruiser and stepped out. I'd never met him in person; I'd only been living here for about six months, working full time as a resident OB/GYN at Forks Hospital. Even though this town was very small, our paths had not yet crossed.

The Chief's dark hair was graying at the temples; he wore his mustache neatly trimmed. He made his way up to the house and looked me over with a keen eye.

I held out my hand and said, "I'm Edward Cullen. I don't mean to intrude, but I'm worried about Bella. Are she and Jacob having difficulties?"

My words were accentuated by more crashing coming from inside.

"Charlie Swan. Thanks for calling me, Edward." Charlie sighed as he stared at the door, like it was a snake ready to strike at him.

"Uh, I guess… you haven't heard the news yet," Charlie hedged as he scuffed the toe of his shiny black shoe against the porch and cleared his throat. "Um, Jacob, he..." The Chief shifted his eyes upward and I could see tears welling on his lower lids, ready to spill over. "Jacob died yesterday. Just... fell over dead while he was at work. The coroner in Port Angeles said it was a brain aneurysm." Charlie cleared his throat again and shook his head. I could hear his tears splashing against the porch as the noise briefly quieted inside.

"Chief Swan... I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." I whispered in disbelief. Even though I was a doctor, and death was no stranger, it was difficult to accept, especially when fatality was so unexpected in someone such as Jacob Black.

"Bella's grief is devastating. I don't... I don't know what to do for my little girl." Charlie sniffled and wiped at the tears in his eyes. He took a deep, cleansing breath before he squared off with the door.

His knock was loud and forceful as he tried to get Bella's attention over the entire racket. He had to knock several more times before the noise ceased and she came to answer.

"Daddy?" her sweet voice floated over the darkened porch, sounding so small and lost.

"Yeah, it's me, honey. Do you want to come outside and get some fresh air?" I could hear the tears in Charlie's voice as he tried to curb them, and tried to be strong for his daughter.

Quick and painful sobs wracked her small body as she stepped into the comforting circle of her father's arms. He enveloped her in a hug, and then dropped his head to her shoulder.

I felt like an intruder on their pain.

And then I felt like an asshole. Jacob Black was dead, but I couldn't work up any remorse at his untimely demise.

Bella's suffering made me feel like an even bigger asshole. She had just lost her husband. She loves him – loved him...

I quietly left the porch and went home.

**.**

The next morning I woke early and thought about going for a jog, before I had to start my shift at the hospital. I stepped out onto my porch into the gray morning light and did some stretches before pushing off down the driveway.

I looked over to the Black house as I passed, and stopped dead in my tracks. My two-mile jog was cut short by about two miles.

Bella Black was crouched on the edge of her porch steps, staring off into the distance. She looked like a heavenly being that had crash-landed on this pitiful earth, crumpled and broken.

I approached her slowly, well within her line of vision. I didn't want to startle her. I got within two feet of her, but she gave no indication that she noticed me. She continued to stare out over the yard into the vacant grass lot on the other side of the street.

"Mrs. Bla–Bella, is there anything I can do for you this morning?" I asked her, anguished by the dull look in her eyes. Her tangled hair was falling in her face, and her sweats were wrinkled and torn in places. She didn't have shoes or socks on. Little bits of dewy grass clung to her bare feet.

Bella remained quiet and unmoved. I sat next to her, careful not to touch her, even though I desperately wanted to. I wanted to help her with her pain. She had her arms wrapped around her torso and was leaning her upper body against her drawn-up knees.

I trembled as I reached for her cold fingers peeking out from under her arm. I remembered the first time our hands accidentally brushed each other – when she handed me that plate of welcome cookies so many months ago. We'd both nearly dropped them when our skin had touched.

Today was no different; the current of magnetism that always drew me to her sparkled, invisible, where my warm fingertips met her chilled ones. At the contact, Bella's hand jerked away from mine and she took in a deep breath, finally blinking.

And as she blinked, fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

Her chest heaved as she hiccupped on her breaths, hyperventilating against her sobs. It was heartbreaking to watch. Even though Jacob was gone, and I couldn't make myself sad about it, I still felt the sting of Bella's pain. I tentatively put my arm around her trembling shoulders to comfort her.

"Shh… Bella, take deep breaths," I encouraged.

Bella resisted my arm for a few seconds before relaxing completely into my side. "No…" I heard her agonized whisper. I looked down, straining to hear her.

"No, no, no. It's not true! He'll be home any minute. He's going to drive up at any second." Bella continued to mumble and whisper in between sobs. We sat like that for maybe half an hour, until the most bizarre thing happened.

Jacob Black's car pulled up to the curb.

I knew the 1969 silver Camaro was Jacob's car, he'd told me about the restoration project as he worked on it in his auto-body shop in Port Angeles.

My jaw dropped as I stared at it in shock.

Bella heard the Camaro's rumbling purr and immediately shot off the porch, wildly, blindly running to get to the driver's side. I followed after her, afraid for her while she was in this state of mind.

A tall, dark-haired man slid from the front seat, and Bella slammed to a halt at the sight of him. She let out another lung-busting sob and let her body crumble. I pulled her tightly into my arms as the man that had driven Jacob's car gave me a suspicious look. I held Bella close to me as I looked at the driver and nodded my head towards the Black house. I tried to talk to Bella in soothing tones, but her cries were borderline hysterical.

"I'm Seth," the man said. "Who are you?"

"My name's Edward Cullen. I live next door," I told him over Bella's head. "Could you open the door for me? I want to get her inside."

Seth hurried to oblige and I took Bella into her ransacked house. The den was remotely livable at this point. I pushed some debris from the couch and laid Bella's limp frame on the cushions.

"Holy crap…" Seth mumbled under his breath as he took in the widespread destruction of the interior of Bella's house.

I made sure that Bella was comfortable on the couch, and pulled a throw from the back of it to cover her. She'd completely worn herself out, and by the looks of her, I'd bet she hadn't had any sleep.

Seth bent over to pick up a ladder-backed chair that had been thrown to the floor. There were many chairs lying in disarray across the kitchen and dining area, all of them belonging to the table that lay on its side by the refrigerator. I helped Seth right the larger items.

"Did you and Jacob work together?" I asked in a low voice, not wanting to disturb Mrs. Black – Bella.

Seth nodded, his mouth pressed into a thin line. "We grew up together on the Quileute Reservation. I always looked up to Jacob... he was like a big brother to me." Seth cleared his throat, looking distressed. "Sam and I are going to sit with her today. He's not too far behind me. He works at the shop too. We'll get this place cleaned up for her. I can only imagine what she's feeling... Jacob was... She and Jacob were great together."

I nodded and glanced at the sleeping woman on the sofa. Even in her sleep, her face held a troubled countenance. It was evident that she was suffering.

"Seth, I have to get to work at the hospital in about half an hour, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me there." I jotted my name and number down on a torn piece of paper I found on the floor. "Would you like for me to bring dinner for her this evening?"

"That's probably best. I sure as hell can't cook for shit. Plus, my wife is pregnant; I don't like to be away for too long. That baby is gonna bust out of there any day now."

"Well, congratulations, Seth. I am an obstetrician resident, maybe I'll see you at the hospital before too long. I'll check in on Bella this evening." I shook his hand and headed for the door.

"Thanks, Doc. Bella's probably going to need someone close by, especially after seeing the damage she's done to this place. I can't believe she did all this herself…"

"Yeah," I agreed. "She sure knows how to turn a household on its end."

**.**

She looked at me for the first time, really looked at me, when I got to her house that evening.

She'd showered, dressed, combed her hair, but she was still barefoot.

"Hi... Bella..." I couldn't help but enjoy the way her name rolled off my tongue, so familiar, yet, so new.

Her gently curved lips couldn't form a smile; they only trembled as she greeted me in a hoarse voice. "Hello, Edward."

Her eyes lacked the heat, lacked the depth and passion that usually made them so intriguing. Now they were a flat brown. Shut down. Shut out.

And still, her lips trembled.

"I brought food. I wasn't sure what you would like..."

"I'm not hungry."

"Right," I sighed. "I would feel better if you would eat a little something."

Her eyelids drooped, almost bruised purple from the stress of the past two days. She looked exhausted.

I dropped myself next to her and gently cupped the side of her head in my hand. I felt compelled to touch her again.

She shook harder and began to cry. She leaned into my hand – seeking its warmth and support. Her head fell to the crook of my shoulder, and I slid my arm around her. This crying was different from what I'd heard last night and this morning. This crying was quiet, inevitable; the kind of tears that never seem to dry up.

I held her for a long time. Truth was, I'd be happy to hold her forever.

But I pulled away before she was ready and I carefully wiped the tears from her face. "Come on, Bella, let's go inside."

She was unsteady on her feet, and her hands sought me out for support. I gladly held on to her as we made it into the kitchen.

She ate her salad without tasting it, mechanically, like she was on autopilot.

I saw that someone had laid out a black mourning dress over the back of a kitchen chair. A pair of low-heeled black sandals was sitting under the chair. They looked like they were clicking their heels together, wishing for someplace else.

Bella dropped her fork and started sniffling again. I took her plate – not surprised that she'd barely eaten – and then cleaned the dishes we'd used.

I watched Bella shuffle into the living room as I dried the plates.

I took a seat across from her after I'd finished the simple chores.

Her watery eyes met mine and she whispered, "Thank you, Edward. For everything... I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing, Bella?"

"I-I can't stop crying long enough to talk to you." She wiped at her face and then continued. "I'm sorry I went crazy last night and this morning. I just... I don't know."

"Hey, it's okay," I softened my voice to suit the quiet atmosphere a aof the house. "Bella, you're grieving, you're not acting crazy." 

"I can't believe he's gone. And... I know he's not here – it's too quiet. Jacob was never quiet. He always had music blaring, or the TV blaring. Or he was always talking. Jake could talk... forever." Bella quieted after that. I hated being so awkward, but I really had no idea what to say to her. There wasn't much that people actually wanted to hear after they'd lost someone so dear and close.

I could see that she was physically shutting down. Her body was going to make her sleep before too long. I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to where I thought her bedroom might be. Her head lolled on my chest.

When I went to lay her down, her arms clung to me, not wanting to let me go. I smiled down at her and knelt beside the bed. She still wouldn't let go.

"I've always admired your smile," she murmured as a tear fell from the ends of her eyelashes.

I smiled wider, just for her, and wiped that tear from her skin. "Thank you. There's so much that I admire about you, Bella..."

Her lips only trembled. No smile would appear for me tonight.

I glanced about and noticed a clock on the wall. It was late, and I started a double shift first thing in the morning.

"I should probably go. Is there anything you need me to do for you?"

"How do I move on? What do I do now?" her voice strained, nearly soundless.

I pulled her hands from around my neck and clasped them in my own. "You just have to keep going," I told her in earnest. "Move forward. Stay close to your family and friends. It'll get easier, but it'll never feel easy. It's always going to hurt. You just... just don't keep the people who love you out."

She nodded, her sad eyes directed at my chest.

"Try to sleep, Bella. Don't forget to take care of yourself. And promise me that you'll call me if you need anything. Anything at all."

"Okay," she whispered.

I touched my lips to her forehead before I left.

I didn't see her again, not for almost a month. My schedule was relentless, and all I could get done was work and sleep.

Sleep and dream.

My dreams were torment...

I was tormented because all my dreams were of her.

She was happy in my dreams.

She was mine in my dreams.

And every night, she was warm, willing, and waiting... in my dreams.

One night, one hot night, sleep eluded me. My tank clung to my sweating skin, and my boxers strained at my crotch. I needed relief, but there was only one person that could give it.

Bella.

I longed for her. I craved her. I was a lunatic for wanting her as I did.

She'd never called. I hadn't seen her in passing. Maybe she wanted nothing to do with me.

I wrenched myself out of bed and clumped down the stairs to the kitchen. Cold water quenched only one of my thirsts. As I sat my glass down by the sink, movement at Bella's house caught my eye.

The street lamp illuminated her ghostly figure as she stood near the edge of her front yard, looking up at the sky. Before I could think about it, I was moving. I was out of my house and across my yard and approaching her side.

There was no thought. There was just do.

She wasn't startled when she noticed me there. She stared at me with her dark eyes, and I drank her in, more thirsty now than I ever was.

Her hair was caught up and piled atop her head. Beads of sweat drizzled down her slender neck, catching and wetting strands of hair that had escaped.

She was so pale and bright under the weak light – my heart thundered in her company.

Her plump lips did not smile. They only trembled.

So I claimed them. I took them. I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth, caressed it with my tongue. When she sighed and pulled me closer, I slipped my tongue over hers, tasting her. I needed more of her.

And just as I was about to take, she was gone.

She slipped out of my hands, breathless, licking her lips, her eyes heavily lidded.

She turned and ran – I panicked. I gave chase, but slowed when she ran over to my porch. She dropped something at the door before she went in.

It was her shirt.

Her shorts were heaped at the foot of the stairs.

Her flowery panties hung off the finial at the top of the banister.

A matching bra dangled from the doorknob.

Her curved, slender body, warm, sweating, willing... waited for me on my bed.

The ache, always present when Bella was near, burned through me, causing me to tremble in need... in anticipation.

My clothes were gone before I took two steps. And then I was there, just an arm's length away from her.

She was beautiful naked. Her rosy-tipped breasts wiggled with each shallow breath she took. Her hips shifted restlessly over my dampened sheets. Her firm thighs parted in readiness for me.

I moved over top her, trapped her there between my arms and legs; trapped her before she could run, or before I could wake up from this dream.

My knees bumped against the backs of her soft thighs – so warm and welcoming.

Her eyes were wild, black, as she panted beneath me. She said nothing. I said nothing. The only sounds were our breaths, shallow and soft, sharp and hissing, long, like sighs.

I explored her with my hands; sensation and discovery.

The magnetism was strong between us, pushing us, dragging us under. No consequences.

Her hands began to touch me. Quiet, shuddering breaths escaped my lungs. No prisoners.

My blood went sluggish in my veins, changing directions, slowing before my heart feverishly pumped it lower. My nostrils flared when I caught the scent of something sweet on the air. It was Bella. The tip of a finger confirmed that she was ready for me.

Sinking into Bella was like ascending into heaven. We didn't make a sound, but our breaths harmonized as we sighed together.

The moonlight pouring through my window bathed our skins in a pale blue light. Her dark hair was loosened and spilled across the pillow, a backdrop accentuating her lovely face.

Her eyes never wavered from mine. We kissed with our eyes open, afraid to lose sight of the other.

The pace was slow and languid – but the pressure building within me threatened to consume me. Slowness soon gave way to the building fire as we moved together, quick and fast. Bella's hips curled to accept me deeper. She reached down between us and caressed herself, bringing about her pleasure faster, and keeping pace with me.

Our explosive end blasted between us like a match set to black powder.

And still... we didn't make a sound as we burned together. Her nails carved divots into the skin of my back. Her wet body clenched around me.

I fell on her, spent, vanquished, and she held me there on her thrumming breast.

Our high crashed. As the light of dawn crept into my room, our passion drowned. A cold chill flitted over me.

We could do nothing but stare at one another. Words perched on the tips of our tongues, but we could not voice them.

She kissed me, then, softly, tenderly, deeply; a soul's kiss.

And I was lost.

Then she was gone. Not a word. Not a sound. She took my heart with her.

For a week, I was in a daze. Then it was two weeks... three weeks. I looked for her every night, but she didn't come to me.

All I could do was work. All I had time for was work, patient after patient, one procedure after another.

And then... she was there, in the hospital, asking for me.

Bella was upset. She was damn near hysterical. I got her calmed long enough to find out what had happened.

"Pregnant. I think I'm pregnant," she wheezed.

My heart ground to a halt. Then it burst back into life at the speed of light. She was pregnant? We were going to have a baby?

My body shook as I pulled her into a hug. _I'm going to be a daddy._

Until this very moment, I never realized how much I wanted to be a dad. I _wanted_ it. With her.

"Okay, okay. Well, I need to draw some blood. Did you take a pregnancy test? You'll need prenatal vitamins." My excitement caused me to ramble.

Bella shook her head, slinging tears with the side-to-side motion. She gasped as she cried. "No, Edward, look at this!" She lifted her shirt and directed my hand to lay flat over her lower abdomen. I was smiling until I palpated and noticed the firm, definitive swelling. A telltale sign...

I peeled my hand away from her electric skin, casting a glance up into her bleary eyes.

I choked as I swallowed over a huge lump in my throat. "Um, I think we should do an ultrasound. Is that all right with you, Bella?"

She sniffled and nodded, and I led her to a vacant examination room.

I was so distraught on the inside. I couldn't bring myself to face the truth.

But the truth stared back at me from the black and white monitor. The baby that was growing inside Bella was the size of a fetus at three months into the developmental stage. The baby couldn't be mine.

The baby was Jacob's.

Disappointment should not have cut this sharply, but it did. The truth hurt.

"Bella," I croaked, "you're pregnant."

"Oh, God! What is Charlie going to say? Shit! This is bad. Edward, we screwed up. We should not have done that. We shouldn't have..."

"Shh, Bella, please calm down. Everything is going to be just fine."

"Edward! How can you say that? He's... Jake's not even been gone three months... This is bad... I'm a horrible person." Bella covered her face and began to cry anew.

I thought of Jacob, lying dead in a grave. If he knew what Bella and I had done together, there would be a mound of dirt forming over his grave due to the constant turning of his angry corpse beneath.

One moment, driven by carnal desire, an impulse, with the woman that I cared so deeply for – I couldn't bring myself to regret it. But I did regret this...

"Bella, listen to me." I pulled her hands away from her face, smoothed her hair back from her forehead.

To me, she was the most beautiful woman on earth. But she wasn't mine. Would she ever want to be mine?

She finally settled enough to look at me. Her eyes were huge and pleading and lost.

"It's not... It's not mine," I breathed. Tears blurred my vision, but I continued to stroke her face.

"What do you mean?" she whispered.

"The baby... you're, uh, you're well into your first trimester, and fast approaching the second. So, it can't be mine. It's Jacob's baby. Not mine."

The look of shock that came over her face would have been comical if I had not been so heartbroken.

Silence took over as I cleaned the gel from her skin. I couldn't shake my disappointment.

"We can't do that again, Edward."

"Do what?"

"It was a mistake. It was wrong. We shouldn't have let ourselves get carried away like that. I'm... I'm so ashamed of myself... We can't do that again."

"No, Bella, please don't say that!" I grabbed her hand and held it to my chest. "Don't push me away. Please. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

"I've betrayed his memory. Every time I look at you, think about you, I betray his memory. Jacob's not even been gone–"

"But he _is_ gone, Bella. He's dead. He's not coming back."

Bella's eyes flashed with fury. "Yes, he's gone. And I've done nothing but treat his memory like shit. I'm a horrible person."

"How can you say that you're horrible? That's such a lie."

"It's not a lie."

"Why do you think you are horrible? I don't believe it."

"If I was a good woman, I would feel nothing for you. I wouldn't have slept with you. I wouldn't have tarnished my husband's memory. I'm…"

Hope danced over the outer rim of my heart. "You feel something for me?"

She sighed. "Yes. I can't make it stop. I can't make the feeling go away."

"What does it make you feel?"

"It makes me feel sick, hot, embarrassed, happy, warm... good."

"And you think it is wrong to feel these things for me?"

"Yes."

"When will it be right for you to feel like this for me?"

"I don't know."

"I feel these things for you, too, Bella. Is it wrong for me to feel them?"

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"I…" I couldn't tell her I loved her. That would only make things worse, and this was no time for me to be selfish. But I had to let her know, she had to know what was weighing on my heart. "I want you, Bella. I'm hoping that, maybe one day, you'll want me too?"

She stood and hesitated at the door, unable to look me in the eye. I was afraid I'd lost her, before she was ever mine.

But then she whispered, brightening the whole of my future with one little phrase, "Maybe one day."


End file.
